she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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