so explain again why im purple
no
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
