I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I supernannyed him into submission
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
