We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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