With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
