need another drink. this is the easiest way
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
