I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
