i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
