just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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