well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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