Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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