I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
