I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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