SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
