I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
