i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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