You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Alive.
So much puke
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
