Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
