"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
