Do vagina's smell?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
