She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
