So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
