My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please come you make the beer taste better
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
