Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
