Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
