she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
