I have demons in me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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