And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
