No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
