i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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