she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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