you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
