went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
