so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
