Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
