I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
