Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
