Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
