matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
