I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
