i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
