Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
