dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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