btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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