accomplished twins. life is a go
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
