dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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