Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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