Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
