So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
