Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
