escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
