So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
