Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
